Everyone is Entitled to My Opinion

Return Policy

2005-05-17T16:57:00.000-07:00

Okay, let me first start out with an update: I do have a sinus infection and I'm on a 10-day course of Augmentin. Suck ass. I really hate being sick, especially when the weather hasn't been too bad of late. You people that hate the rain can all stop bitching now.

Here's today's dose of irony: the return policy for www.musictoday.com. I recently received my pre-ordered copy of the new Dave Matthews Band CD "Stand Up." It's completey awesome, but I digress. I couldn't wait to get into it, and was surprised when I found this:

"Musictoday will be happy to return any unopened Dave Matthews Band Stand Up CD within 30 days of purchase. Once the CD is opened, we cannot accept any returns or exchanges unless there is a manufacturer defect."

This shouldn't surprise me too much, but why the hell is it INSIDE the CD case? Isn't it a little late to tell the consumer about it AFTER the fact? That's like telling a child not to put their hand on the hot stove AFTER the child burns their hand. I guess it's a good thing I really love the CD, isn't it? The t-shirt, however, needs to be exchanged because they sent me the wrong one. To that I say oh well, defecation occurs. They told me I could send it back and they'd pay me back for shipping, so it's all good.

I really need to come up with some interesting stuff to blog about. This is boring me.

Chinese Water Torture

2005-05-04T07:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, this may seem like I'm complaining about the weather, but I promise I'm not!

The constant change in weather--rain to sunny, warm to cold--is driving my sinuses up a wall. I usually don't have a problem (since the operation to help remedy that), but for some reason this year it's hit me like a ton of snot--err, bricks. Here's a little something no one wants to know about me: I have post-nasal drip. That's where all of the mucous runs down the back of your throat. It leads to throat irritation and an upset stomach (where do you think it all goes?). All in all, it's just no fun. The roller coaster pattern of air pressure is going to make me sick.

I want to prevent a sinus infection, and if I haven't already done that (TMI: mucous color says it may already be too late), I'd at least like to give it a run for its money. I'm worried about taking antibiotics while trying to get pregnant--that and I'm sick of pills.

Well, throughout today it has become clear: I have a cold. This sucks ass royally, because this is the THIRD cold I've had this year! Not only that, the weather is great and I'm done with school until August. NOT FAIR! I guess now that I'm no longer pregnant I'll break out that homeopathic stuff I bought last time but was told I shouldn't use. I've already got vitamin C drops I'm popping like candy, I'm still taking my daily vitamins--the only thing I haven't been doing is sleeping. Of course, that gets tricky when you wake up at 3 AM with a runny nose.

Since this is really a boring post, I think I'll end it now.

Be Kind, Please DON'T SCRATCH!

2005-04-11T15:29:00.000-07:00

Remember back in the day when we watched movies on VHS? If you rented them, there was a label that said "Be Kind, Please Rewind." Some places even charged you for not rewinding. Ah, the good old days.

Now I rent movies (when I rent movies) on DVD, and I love it. EXCEPT when a previous renter doesn't take care of the DVD and it gets scratched up. I rented Fargo this week because I missed watching the movie in my film class. I was almost done with the movie when the damn thing started freezing and pixellating. I was PISSED! I still haven't finished watching it, because I don't think I can fix the scratch. I swear, it's got to be like the last, 15-20 minutes of the movie, where everything comes together. I mean, I'm pretty sure I could predict the ending after having watched the first 2/3 of the movie, but seeing the resolution just brings a sense of closure. I can't stop thinking about how it ends. ARGH! Damn you, careless movie renter!

This irritates the hell out of me because people don't respect property that isn't theirs. Is it really so hard to take care of a DVD? Are you so mentally challenged that you don't know how to put one back in the case when you're done? Do you know how to put something out of a child's reach so they don't get into it and destroy it? It doesn't take much time or effort to return the DVD to its case and possibly put it somewhere the kids won't get to it.

This doesn't just go for the DVD's you borrow from Netflix and Blockbuster. What's even MORE annoying is when someone borrows a DVD (or CD for that matter--it actually pisses me off more when it's a CD because I love my music!) and returns it in worse condition than it originally was. At $20+ a pop, it gets expensive to replace things that other people have destroyed.

I'm the kind of person who makes an effort to leave something cleaner than it was when I got it. I recently borrowed my sister-in-law's Jack Johnson CD's that were pretty scratched up. I mean, I tried to stick one in my car CD player and it spit it out after 2 songs because it skipped so bad. So I took them home and took my Disc Doctor to them and cleaned them up almost until they looked like new. That's just the kind of nice person I am. I think of the other people that would like to enjoy the CD's and DVD's I borrow, the fact that it's not mine to begin with, and just a general sense of respect are what motivate me to take care of things borrowed. I just wish I could say the same for whoever rented Fargo from the West Valley Blockbuster and put a huge scratch in it that prevented me from seeing the rest of the movie. May your progeny learn to be more respectful and careful than you were, and may the fleas of a thousand camels infest your jockey shorts.

Health Insurance: A Necessary Evil

2005-04-09T14:07:00.000-07:00

Office visit to IHC Instacare: $74
Urinalysis and blood draw: $39
Realizing your insurance company tells you the cost billed by their own facility is too much: Priceless.

Yes, it's time for me to pontificate once again on the evils of the healthcare industry. Remember that nifty flu-like illness I got checked out for a few posts ago? Well, the explanation of benefits is here, and I must say I'm dumbfounded. Flabbergasted. It really boggles the mind.

You see, Intermountain Health Care runs both my insurance company AND the Instacare urgent care facility where I went that night I had a fever. So when I read that these charges all exceeded the allowable amount that IHC insurance says they're willing to pay out to IHC Instacare, I had to wonder. It brought to mind a scripture--something about "the left hand knoweth not what the right hand is doing." Doesn't make sense to me.

I guess I'm really not going to complain about the convoluted nature of health insurance and billing. I just thought it was amazingly odd, and quite asinine. But I'm sure it makes sense to someone, somewhere.

Bleh. This post really lacks my usual angry energy. Tough beans, I'm publishing it anyway.

"Eye R a Colij Stoodent"

2005-04-06T21:31:00.000-07:00

Ah, education. It's a vital thing if you're going to survive in today's world. Higher education is a must if you plan on being able to do anything with your life besides flip burgers or bag groceries. That especially applies if you want to find a job in the tech sector. Some will argue that experience means more than a degree, but after my husband's 9 1/2 month stint of unemployment, I've come to the conclusion that it's just not true. They want the experience AND the piece of paper that says you're qualified. But this really isn't what my rant is about.

Today's complaint is about people who do not have a basic understanding of their own damn native tongue. I think it's pathetic that people who claim to have graduated from high school cannot distinguish between "your" and "you're." My brother is in his second year of college and still tells me what he is going to do "tomarrow." I really think there's no excuse for it.

What's really killer is when people misspell something, you call them on it, and then they say "I'm not a good typeist." That may be true, but you're really not all that great with the language, either. Don't blame it on dyslexia, either. ADD/ADHD won't fly. There are all sorts of tools and resources to help you. Don't play victim and use your learning disabilities or difficulties as a crutch. It's lame (no play on words intended).

Please, please, PLEASE--don't use big words you can't spell. I learn new words all the time when I go into my usual chat room, and it's all because people want to sound intelligent. I've really been thinking about keeping a list of "new" words so I can help prove my theory that schools are failing American people. The most recent word I learned was "exasterbate." The context of the sentence: "the smog in LA exasterbates problems with asthma." Hey genius, that's exacerbate. Please, don't try to sound smarter than you really are. Do you know the word but are unsure how it's spelled? www.m-w.com is the Merriam-Webster Dictionary online. Use it.

Another thing--don't challenge someone's intelligence unless you are sure of your spelling/grammar. Someone once told me, "your a idiot." Right. Can anyone point out the two mistakes in that sentence? No, the fact that it was directed at me isn't one of them--though that would be a mistake. I've seen people online complain about not being able to find "inteligent" conversation, and it just cracks me up. How intelligent are you looking to be? You can't spell the word, so something tells me you're not looking for an advanced conversation on the science of fractals or chaos theory. Perhaps you should limit your conversation to, say, "what's your favorite 'Dick and Jane' book?"

Why should I care about spelling, you ask. Well, when you're dealing with written/typed communication, it's imperative that the person to whom you are typing can understand. Now, when talking to peers it's okay to use some improper English, such as phonetically (yes, I had to consult the dictionary for that one) typing out "gonna," "wanna," etc. But sloppy spelling backed up with "why should I care?" reflects poorly on you. To me, it screams "I lack education and self-respect!" You don't need to be a rocket scientist or even a college graduate to know how to spell. In fact, you should graduate high school with the ability to properly speak and write in your own language.

Use your brain, and if that doesn't work, use your resources to educate your brain. It's just that simple.

Jesus Loves You, Everyone Else Thinks You're an Asshole

2005-04-02T08:47:00.000-08:00

I love bumper stickers. Some are rather witty, and I've seen a few that have almost gotten me into accidents because I was laughing so hard. This above bumper sticker applies to my early-morning rant, which is leftover from yesterday. More interesting is that it doesn't have anything to do with bumper stickers.

Joy of joys, a trip to the post office. Usually I'll avoid going at all costs, but this time I had to *finally* mail my parents' Christmas present along with my mom's birthday present (happy birthday, Mom). I also had a CD to return to BMG (I'm so bad about remembering to mail in those reply card thingies) and a surprise to mail to my friend Maree (thought I was going to blow it, didn't ya?). The post office has decided to make my life quite a bit easier (FOR ONCE!) by installing these automatic postage machines. It's SO nice! Weigh package, enter zip code, pay for postage, and--BAM!--it produces a label you can stick on the package. There's even a handy drop-box next to the machine so you can throw your box/letter in and go. No more getting ticket #67 while they're calling for ticket #13. No more waiting for the slower-than-molasses postal workers, or wondering why the have 5 teller booths and only use 1-2 at a time. Of course there is a catch to this--the door on the box drop says not to put anything more than 16 oz. in the box. Come to think if it, I probably read it wrong and it said LESS THAN 16 oz. But that's neither here nor there.

Okay, I told you that so I could tell you the story behind the title of today's rant. My package to Delaware was 3.some-odd pounds, so I couldn't put it in the drop box (or at least that's what I thought at the time, who knows). This meant I had to go inside the main part of the post office. Fortunately for me, there was a small line of people picking up registered letters and whatnot, so I hopped in that line rather than pulling a number. While waiting to give my box to the postal worker, there was a woman standing at one of the teller booths, and I believe she was trying to pay for something with a money order. Evidently the post office doesn't let you pay for things with money orders, so the woman's daughter went and got her father out of the car. This folks, is where the fun begins.

The man stormed in and didn't hesitate to raise his voice at the teller. "You don't take money orders? Why not? They're as good as cash!" The woman softly responds, "not to me, sir. I'm sorry, but we don't accept them." He kept going on about the money orders for a minute, then when he realized he'd lost that battle, he COMPLETELY changed the subject. This had to have been the most drastic topic shift I have ever witnessed. He suddenly says to the clerk, "you have a dress code, don't you?" Rather befuddled, the clerk replies "yes sir, we do." Then he points to another teller at the other end of the counter and says "what about her? She's not following that dress code. She has a rag on her head!" The teller was a woman with what looked like a variation of the traditional Muslim scarf on her head. Actually, after having looked at some pictures while reading about the Pope, I think it might have to do with that (pretty sad that I wouldn't know that and I'm a former Catholic). Either way, the poor woman looked totally startled, completely surprised by this random attack. Other people looked at him, and the office grew quieter for a moment. I don't know about anyone else, but I was livid.

What the hell was the point of dragging that poor woman into it? Some people just cannot accept defeat. When they lose one battle, they pick another one by changing the subject. It was an irration and completely asinine move on this guy's part. I don't care what you believe about what other people believe, just don't impose your hatred on anyone else. For one, it's just plain mean. Two, you look REALLY stupid doing it. Just remember folks, anger is a secondary emotion. What this guy probably REALLY felt was "I'm hurt because you won't make an exception to the rule for me."

I really felt for that poor girl that was with them. Being the child of a parent with a temper, I know what it's like to be completely embarrassed in public because your dad can't control his temper. Lucky for me, he would never resort to throwing any kind of derogatory slurs at people who didn't have anything to do with his own personal battle. I have to admit, for that, I am grateful.

This conclusion doesn't really have anything to do with my post, but I've noticed that I have a dilemma with writing a conclusion. How do you wrap up a rant? I know I just go right from one to the other until I run out of steam. When I verbalize a rant, I don't take the time to make closing remarks on one rant--I'm more of an "...and another thing!" kind of person. So I guess I'll just do it the same in my blogs and stop trying to come up with stupid conclusions.

"Think About the Irony..."

2005-04-01T17:49:00.000-08:00

I saw something yesterday that made me laugh, but at the same time kind of made me sad inside. There was a car in front of me as I was driving to my math class last night that had one of those magnet ribbons on the back that said "Be Aware and Show You Care." It was pink, the color of the American Cancer Association's campaign against breast cancer. A wonderful cause, no doubt. So what's sad about that, you ask?

The next thing I saw shouldn't have surprised me much. It was a cigarette butt flung out the window of the same car someone had taken the time to put the breast cancer awareness magnet on! The first thing that went through my mind was "WTF?" The second thing was "what is that woman thinking? 'Care about breast cancer, but screw the lungs!'?" (Attention grammar Nazis, did I punctuate that correctly?) Ah, the duality of man--the only animal that would go to the ends of the earth to rid himself of one illness just to muck himself up with another. It's something akin to buying something to cure athlete's foot then shooting off your big toe.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Does anyone else see the cruel irony people inflict upon themselves? Supersize meal with a DIET Coke? There's a dichotomy here, folks. If you're going to quit smoking because it can cause cancer, why not give up booze too so you don't poison your liver? If you're going to exercise for a healthier heart, why not put down the Carl's Jr big and nasty burgers (whatever it is they're called--don't EVEN get me started on the commercials for that place!)? Perhaps giving up caffeine and tripling your sugar intake isn't a good idea either. Just some, you know, food for thought?

Those who know me are probably thinking "who the hell are you to talk?" But you see, I don't try to do any of those things listed above. When I make my feeble attempts at changing habits for the better, I go for the gusto. I give up the caffeine, cut my sugar intake, exercise more, etc. Could be why I fail miserably every time, but it's not about falling off the horse--it's about getting back on.

Well, it looks like I'm back on the bitch-blogging scene. I guess my rant for next time will still be about the cigarette butt thing. That really grates my nerves. Or maybe that will wait for another day, and tomorrow I'll rehash today and the number of times I heard giggling girls say, "guess what? I'm PREGNANT!" Stupid little brats. Anyway, real life calls.

Quack-in-the-Box

2005-03-29T13:48:00.000-08:00

It's Saturday night and you have a fever and are achey all over--do you know where your doctor is? He's probably kickin' it with some friends and laughing about the old woman that paid $50 to see him for a hangnail. So what's an ailing patient to do?

Yes folks, it's QUACK-IN-THE-BOX! "Urgent care" centers have been a growing trend for years, and they seem to be here to stay. This place is filled with doctors who I guess can't get a legitimate practice? Not to belittle the medical profession as a whole, but I've had some pretty crappy experiences with these places.

One year I had just returned from *camping* (hint, hint) and a few days later, I started to feel like I had the *flu* (hint again). The very next day, a rash the diameter of a baseball appears on my calf. OH NO! It's LYME DISEASE!! Of to the Quack-in-the-Box to see what they can do for us!

Now, those things for most doctors should've been a dead giveaway. BUT NO! After something like two hours of waiting (in pain due to the flu-like symptoms), the doctor tells me "well, it *could* be Lyme Disease, or it could be simply a skin rash." He wrote me 2 scripts, one antibiotic and one for some cream to treat skin rashes, probably some kind of antifungal. Well, the antibiotic turned out to be too weak, and I had to get a PICC line for an IV antibiotic because I ended up getting Bell's Palsey (facial paralysis--NOT fun for an expressive person such as myself).

Then one time I had a stye and went to the local InstaCare. The doctor who saw me was Oriental and had such a thick accent I couldn't understand a damn thing he was saying. He gave me some prescription and luckily those wonderful souls at Walgreens could understand it. I went home to hubby and he asked, "so what did the doctor say?" I honestly had to tell him "I really don't know, but this script says to rub this stuff on my eye 3 times a day."

That's so dangerous. What if Walgreens got it wrong and ended up giving me some hemorrhoid cream? My eye might have shrunk because of that! Not that I don't trust Walgreens, but doctors and pharmacists sometimes get their wires crossed, and it can be deadly for a patient. For instance, my shrink always tells me when I fill my prescription for Lamictal to check and make sure it's not Lamisil. How the HELL does someone get an antiepileptic mixed up with a FOOT CREAM?! I'll never understand.

Packet Loss

2005-03-23T11:33:00.000-08:00

Packet loss describes an error condition in which data packets appear to be transmitted correctly at one end of a connection, but never arrive at the other. This might be because:

-network conditions are poor and the packet became damaged in transit;
-the packet was deliberately dropped at a router because of internet congestion.

If there's one thing I hate, it's a lousy internet connection. This is another complaint I have w/ SLCC--the wireless system is crap. I can get a signal in some of my classes, but I can't in the cafeteria, the lounge, or in my English class that's almost right across the damn hall from the computer lab. How suck-ass is that?

I tried to blog during my English class earlier (sorry if you're reading this, Dru--I really had a train of thought going) and before I could save my post as a draft, my damn internet connection died.

This has happened more than once. And the more it happens, the more frustrated I've become. I've been able to do a few things on the Internet in class (I use Yahoo Messenger during Psych), one of my favorite being ordering a book for a class on amazon WHILE I was listening to a lecture. Now that's just cool. Sometimes I have a thought in the middle of class and I like to be able to rant, but it seems like the fates are conspiring against me when it comes to blogging in class. Maybe now that I'm in the hallway while waiting for my next class to begin I'll be able to publish this (the draft has been sitting around since 28 January). If not, I'm seriously going to commit harikari.

So why does this happen? I talked to the guys in the computer lab, and they only said "you shouldn't have that problem." Well, Einstein, if I wasn't having this problem I wouldn't have graced you with my presence. Oi vey. According to my computer guru husband, there's a saying that if you put a million monkeys on keyboards they could eventually produce the complete works of Shakespeare. We have more than a million monkeys out there, and what do we have to show for it? I hardly think www.ratemypoo.com counts as a sonnet (and if you value the contents of your stomach, you'll avoid that link). I could list a million links that are absurd, pointless, and just plain obscene, but I don't have that kind of time. And quite frankly, neither should anyone else. It shouldn't surprise anyone that companies want to moniter what you're doing online. It also shouldn't be viewed as a privacy issue. Welcome to the public world.

This is a sort of aimless rant, so I think I'll end it here before I totally get off track.

What About Your Friends?

2005-01-14T22:41:00.000-08:00

Okay, since my friends don't think they know me well enough, my friend Maree (http://www.mcgriddlechicky.blogspot.com/) has requested that I fill out this little questionaire thing from her blog. Here goes:

3 names you go by:
1. Karin
2. Kar-bear (only if you're my husband)
3. Gilbey (that's a high school thing)

3 screen names you have:
1. Yahoo: LuvableLDS
2. AIM: LuvableLDS
3. Chat nicknames: Hell if I can remember all of them

3 things you like about yourself:
1. I'm good enough
2. I'm smart enough
and gosh darnit,
3. People like me
*waits for people to get the reference*
Okay, here's the real list:
1. I'm funny, admit it (hold the looks comments, please)
2. What I don't have in looks, I more than make up for in personality
3. I do have pretty nice eyes

3 things I hate/dislike about myself:
1. I take EVERYTHING personally
2. I feel like I'm all book smarts and no common sense
3. I'm a woman, I think the whole body image thing is a given

3 parts of your heritage:
1. Stubborness from my mother's Irish-Italian heritage
2. Bi-polar disorder from my mom's Italian heritage
3. If I wasn't Mormon, I'd probably be a drunk thanks to my dad's alcoholic English heritage

3 things that scare you:
1. Intimidating people
2. Having feelings I don't understand
3. The thought of being alone

3 of your everyday essentials:
1. My laptop
2. My power cord for my laptop
3. My laptop bag
Maybe I should rethink my life...

3 things your wearing right now:
Who the hell wants to know THIS?! Well, I can tell you I am at LEAST wearing:
1. My right contact lens
2. My left contact lens
3. A ponytail holder
And that's all you need to know

3 of your favorite bands/artists:
1. DAVE MATTHEWS BAND!!!
2. John Mayer--I would sign a legal agreement to not demand child support if I could but bear his children!!
3. Maroon 5/Matchbox Twenty/several other bands or artists

3 of your favorite songs at the present:
1. Clarity-John Mayer
2. Wheel-John Mayer
3. Volcano-Damien Rice

(Good hell this is getting long...)

3 things you want in a relationship:
I think there's only one person who needs to know, and since he's aware of what those things are, I'll spare you the rest.

2 truths and a lie (no particular order to keep you guessing):
1. I'm good in bed
2. I don't care what people think of answer #1
3. I haven't come up with a good third one yet...I'm still laughing at the first two

3 physical things about a love interest that appeal to you:
HA! I couldn't even finish reading this without laughing. Once again, I'll spare you.

3 things you just can't do:
1. Tolerate simple misspellings
2. Stop taking my meds
3. Cheat on my husband (really that's the top, but I was trying to think of some more pet peevs)

3 of your favorite hobbies: (blogging isn't a hobby, it's an addiction):
1. Dare I call school a hobby? It's what I do to keep me sane.
2. Scrapbooking, when I make time to sit down and do it
3. I'm finding my love for reading again! YAY!

3 things you want to do badly right now:
Right now? Or immediate future?
1. Find out who writes these survey things, drag them into the street, and shoot them!
2. Grab my book and go to bed
3. We won't talk about that one here...

3 careers you are considering:
1. Psychologist
2. Sociologist
3. Historian

3 kids names (either boy or girl):
Well, for my kids, it would be 4 names: War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death. But here are the ones I'd consider putting on a birth certificate:
1. Anthony Rulon
2. Robert Morgan
3. Emma Renee

3 things you want to do before you die:
1. Get a post-graduate degree
2. Raise good kids
3. Forgive my parents

AND FINALLY!

3 people who have to take this quiz now:
What do I care?! Here, let me pull out my Smith & Wesson and come up with my list of names!

I am DONE! Don't ask me why I do these things. I think my friends want the comic value of my input. None of my random readers really cares what I'm wearing, right? If you do, you must be either a snob or a pervert, neither of which I care much for at all. But now that I've done this, I think I will turn this blasted machine off for the night and go read.

The Burden of My Existence

2005-01-11T19:36:00.000-08:00

Make no bones about it, I hate math. With a passion. It's not failure to grasp concepts or anything like that. I just hate it. There's something about all of those numbers and letters and how somehow, somewhere, 2+2 CAN equal five.

I've just started a new semester, and this semester I'm taking Math 1010, or Intermediate Algebra. Mind you, I did very well in 0950 (Pre-Algebra) and sorta okay in 0970 (Elementary Algebra), so I think I should be a little more confident in my math skills this time around. But I'm not. I registered for one math class, but wanted to get into another section because I'd heard many good things about the professor. I figured I shouldn't have a problem getting into this other section, but I did go to my registered math class Monday night.

The professor, who I will not name, was a very quiet man, a little on the short side and slightly graying hair. Didn't look very intimidating at first, but he started to go over the syllabus and I about ran out of the room crying. What?? No calculators?! But that's like an appendage for me when it comes to math! It's battery-powered brain cells!

I think this poor soul misread the math department's new policy about testing with calculators. The new policy is that students can not take exams or the final with a GRAPHING calculator. The heads of the math department decided that graphing calculators give students who use them an advantage because they can use them to program formulae and such. LAME! Have you SEEN the instruction manual that comes with a TI-83?! I'd need a whole different course just to learn how to use it! But either way, we are allowed to use regular scientific calculators on our exams. Well, unless you're in this guy's class.

Luckily for me, that is not my fate. I was able to drop Professor Boring's class and find an energetic, smart math professor who doesn't make us solve problems, she shows us how to "navigate real-life adventures." How cool is that?! I've always had an affinity for people who can take a subject that's hated by most and turn it into something fun. That's what the spirit of teaching is all about!

I wish people would appreciate educators more, I really do. We pay millions to athletes, musicians, and celebrities. Doctors and lawyers make pretty decent money. Why do we forget about the people that taught these people how to read and write? So do the world a favor, hug a teacher! Okay, maybe hugging your teacher isn't a good idea. I mean, you don't want to get them in trouble or anything. Why don't you just thank them instead?

Karin, Where Are Your Pants?!

2005-01-05T11:43:00.000-08:00

Ha, I knew that would grab your attention. This post really isn't about my lack of pants. It's about the reason I'm not wearing pants right now.

Actually, there are two reasons I'm typing this sans pants. One of them (and the one that frustrates me more than the rest of this post) is that someone at the Old Navy Clothing Co. needs to come up with a more solid definition of the word "short." Now, I'm a big girl, I won't lie about that. But just because my ass is bigger does NOT mean my legs are longer. But I'll save this for a later post.

Meterologists rejoice: for once you accurately predicted a snowstorm! I'm not going to complain about the snow, because heaven knows we need it. I guess I shouldn't be complaining about having to shovel it either. But I don't care, I feel the need.

I haven't checked the veracity of this rumor, but from what I've heard, there's a law that says when it snows, you have to shovel your driveway & sidewalks. Otherwise, you can be sued for damages should some door-to-door Cutco salesperson or Kirby dealer slip and fall while approaching your door. I think this is probably more like a city code for some parts of Salt Lake (probably elsewhere, I'm sure--but I don't live elsewhere, I live in Salt Lake Co.).

--start tangent--
It's probably a code in places like South Jordan--these people are a bunch of wackos. There are city codes for things like how much grass you HAVE to have in your yard. Can someone politely remind these dumbasses that we live in a DESERT! If people didn't HAVE to have grass in their front yards to make the city look like the rolling hills of Scotland or some garbage like that, perhaps we wouldn't need to have a 250% snow total for the next 10 years to relieve the drought. I believe there's also a code about a brick-to-stucco ratio you can have on your house. Man, those people down the street from me would be ticketed somethin' awful. Someday I'll get a picture of that house posted here. What an eyesore.
--end tangent--

Now where was I? Oh yes, the joys of home ownership. Being the good citizen I am, I did my other civic duty of maintaining my sidewalks and driveway. Trust me, I'd much rather let it sit as a deterrent to the Cutco and Kirby guys, but if they can sue me over it, it's not worth it.

I guess my real gripe is this: why should I be liable for a tresspasser? Why should that person have the power to sue me because THEY were either 1) not very careful or 2) just plum outta luck. Of course, my money is on the former, but that's neither here nor there. I mean, we all know that defecation occurs. Why take someone to court just because you have bad fortune? No one is to blame for some accidents. At least, that's my take on it. I don't know.

One For You, Three For Me

2004-12-23T09:20:00.000-08:00

Well! It's been a long time since I've done anything with this blog, so I think I'm due for an entry. Today's isn't a rant, just something I've been pondering.

Women are expensive. Any man will admit that. Flowers, jewelry, clothes--it adds up. Get married and throw a few kids into the equation, and as soon as you know it you're in the poor house, right gentlemen? Well here's the solution--polyandry!

That's right! Keep more in your wallet and keep her happy at the same time! See, here's how it works: each man splits a portion of the woman's bills and keeps paying their own. For instance, my car payment is roughly $260/mo. Split that in two, three at most, and VOILA! You wouldn't have to buy her gifts as often, because she'd be getting plenty from the other guys too. Not in the mood? She has two other choices! Not to mention he would never have to listen to nagging for too long, because she would have 2 other men she could bitch out instead.

Now kids might complicate things a little, but it's nothing a paternity test can't solve! Since there's only 2-3 options, it won't be too difficult. This is where it gets easier than polygamy--instead of one man paying for 50 kids with 14 different women, the man only has to pay for the kids he fathers!

Of course, there's a certain man in my life that isn't too thrilled with this idea, but I really think I could make it work. Of course, I would need to hire a cleaning lady to get a little help. 3 guys is a LOT of laundry. But alas, it'll never happen. Can't blame a girl for trying, though!

Like a Kid in a Candy Store

2004-12-17T09:06:00.000-08:00

Here's a parable for you today. No, I won't explain it.

So there's this diabetic girl walking around Crossroads Mall downtown. She sees a store called "The Candy Barrel," so she goes in to see what kind of sugar free candies they have. She looks in the case of chocolates and sees some that looks REALLY tasty, so she buys a HUGE chunk of it! She starts to eat a little bit of the chocolate while looking at others in the case. None of them look as good as what she has, so she takes her chocolate home.

Over time, the chocolate loses its sweet flavor. It actually starts to taste rather bitter. She returns to the mall awhile later and returns to the candy store. This time she sees something different: a barrel of Jelly Belly jelly beans! Her favorite! They look so tempting, but she can't buy any. She has her chocolate, and she spent all of her money to get it. She can't return the chocolate, because she's already started to eat it. She finds herself in quite a situation.

She can't throw out her chocolate; it was expensive, and she does still eat it. Sometimes it seems to get bitter, but then will taste sweet again. She goes to the mall a lot, and frequently passes the barrel of jelly beans. Sometimes she's really tempted to reach into the barrel and grab just one, but she doesn't. There's something else she's noticed--it seems like every time she sees the jelly beans, her chocolate will start to taste bitter again.

She tries not to think of the jelly beans, but can't help but wander into the candy store when she's in the mall. More than once she's thought about throwing out her chocolate and getting some money for the jelly beans, but she just can't bring herself to do it.

I hope this wasn't too obvious. Of course, it probably is. That kinda sucks. Any ideas you might have for making this more obscure would be greatly appreciated :D

Playing the System

2004-12-10T07:14:00.000-08:00

So I've got to do quite a bit of writing for my English portfolio, which is the final for that class. Why I'm not doing it now, don't ask, because it's beside the point. Some of the essays I need to do this portfolio are located in a little booklet called the "Mercury Reader." Now, I bought one of these books at the begining of the semester. Seems that somehow between October and yesterday, I misplaced my copy. I tore my house apart looking for this stupid little book (it's about 30 pages and no bigger than a Reader's Digest), until I finally gave up and decided I should hit up the college bookstore to buy a new one.

The last I'd heard about this book was that it was $20 in the bookstore. I didn't think that was right, because I'd originally paid maybe $2 for mine. Sure enough, I found some on the bookshelf and the price--$17.35!! SEVENTEEN EFFIN' DOLLARS FOR A 30 PAGE BOOKLET!!! For $17, the damn thing better have all my answers in it, too!

I swiftly changed my mind and headed to the library. The librarian said they didn't have any, but there were some "on reserve" at the Redwood Campus, whatever the hell that meant. I decided I wasn't about to drive all over creation for this stupid little booklet, so I accepted my fate and went back to the bookstore.

I thought I was going to have to bite the bullet on this one and get raped up the ass for the sake of my English grade and GPA. I got to the counter, explained what happened, told the guy the library didn't have any copies, and handed over my debit card. He informed me of the library's return policy--three days if the book is in excellent condition (probably meaning they can sell it again at full price and rip some other sucker off). I originally thought "GREAT! I can take it home, use it, and bring it back!" Then the light bulb came on.

I proceeded directly to the ATM, then to the cashier to break my $10 into smaller bills. Then back to the library I went, feeling very confident in my creativity. I copied the essays I needed for one dollar, then charged back to the bookstore. I put the booklet on the counter and said "I know the return policy is 3 days, how about 30 minutes?" They couldn't say it wasn't in excellent condition, because I didn't even have time to destroy it. So I got my full refund and headed home, holding my head a little higher, proud of myself for successfully playing the system.

And that is where the story ends, because I promptly got home, threw the copies on the kitchen table, and got online to tell my friends how clever I am. You'd think after all that hard work I'd make wiser use of my time. Oh well, there's always the weekend!

Speaky English?

2004-12-06T15:10:00.000-08:00

"Quando in Roma, faccia come i Romani." In English: "when in Rome, do like the Romans."

You know, we are in a day and age where the oceans of the world are mere puddles thanks to global communication. You almost need to be at least bi-lingual if you are an international business person. But for crying out loud, why do *I* need to learn three languages when I don't plan on leaving the country? Let me get right to my point--if you're going to live in the United States, learn English.

But of course, if *I* make statements like that, I'm a racist. I'm trying to commit cultural genocide or some crap like that. Don't get me wrong, I love to read about traditions of other cultures. My ancestry came here from Italy and abandoned all their Italian traditions so they could become "Americans." I think it's sad those traditions were lost (especially things like recipes!). But they got one thing right: they learned English in order to fit in. In some cases, immigrants kept their native tongue active in their homes, but knew that learning English was crucial.

But finally, I have found other people that agree with me. Not American by birth, but went through the strain to learn English because they feel it's a courtesy to the people you live with to learn their language. Amen to that. My Italian professor is from, well, Italy, and she is not afraid to say what she thinks. She said people that move here should learn the language. She said if she was to move to Germany, she wouldn't last long if she didn't learn German. But here in America, the foreigners (some of which aren't here legally anyway, but that's another rant for another time) expect the governments to bend over backwards to accomodate them. I wonder how much money is spent per year on translators and such to provide legal documents in Spanish and other languages frequently spoken in other areas of the country. Money that could be spent on ESL teachers and such.

Be proud of your heritage. Don't be ashamed of your roots. Just don't force your culture & language down my throat. And on that note...ciao a tutti!

Drive Friendly, Mutha F#$&*#!!

2004-12-06T01:37:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you something about Utah drivers--they suck. Royally. Now you know it's bad if this coming from me, because I am a third generation New Jersey driver. I got my license in Delaware, but did most of my driving to and from Wildwood, NJ. So I've got plenty of experience driving in the Garden State. But this isn't about me. It's about all you yahoos that don't know how to drive.

Turn signals are a must. Not all of us are mind readers, folks. There are some people who are so oblivious to the hundreds of other idiots on the road that they neglect to inform the ones that are alert what their intentions are. This irritates me because they usually forget to use their turn signal when it counts--lane changes. I have no problem with you getting in front of me most of the time. It's when you do it when you're driving a Hummer and there's only 3/4 of a car length between me and the next guy. And there's the split second I'm in your blind spot, and you decided that you've missed your exit and need to get across 4 lanes ASAP. If you're not paying attention, it's not my fault. But if you aren't paying attention and I end up rear-ending you, it IS my fault. That's when I get pissed. What kills me is when the people with the brand new H2's and Lexuses drive erratically. A $25k + car and you didn't get turn signals with it?! You got ripped off.

Merging is another pet peeve of mine. Or should I say, the lack of it. To all of the people that insist on riding the ending lane until the last freakin' minute: YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE. You know who you are. Especially the people on the freeway getting from I80 Westbound to SR201. There's a BIG YELLOW SIGN telling you the lane ends. But since you're more important than everyone else around you, you pull your bloody SUV out from the line of patient people and drive up the effin' left lane and cut about 20 cars off in the process. It's just rude. Unless someone in your car is dying from a gaping head wound, is there really a reason to try and push your way in ahead of those people that are waiting their turn?

No, I'm not done yet. There's also the people that drive in the rain, snow, fog, and dark without your headlights on. ARE YOU FREAKIN' RETARDED?! Do you think that your personality is radiant enough to light up the road for you? Since I live in Salt Lake I'm going to make a reference to Mormon culture. There's a scripture or something that talks about "living on borrowed light." Maybe it's an old conference talk or something. Either way, they're not just talking about spiritual light. You can't depend on someone else's headlights to light your way. And be sure to maintain your headlights. If you have only one headlight, I'm likely to assume that you're just a motorcycle. Yes, I know that is my problem, but you could once again adopt some courtesy into your life. Mine's hard enough as it is. I don't need you crashing my car and making things worse.

Next on my shit list are the ones that run red lights. Especially ones in the left-turn lane that don't care that someone else's light has turned green. One of these days I'm going to haul off and run into your car because 1) I can and 2) it won't be my fault. Don't want that unfortunate soul to be you? Get outta the damn intersection. Better yet, don't enter it if your light is red. More than once I find my light is green but I can't go because the third dumbass to run the light is parked in the middle of the intersection because traffic on that road is backed up. 70th and Redwood used to be notorious for that. If you happen to be the one sitting in front of my car because you didn't learn that red means stop, be prepared to face my fury. I have become an avid user of my horn and middle finger, and I am not afraid to show my displeasure with your miserable driving skills.

Tailgaters have got to be some of the biggest jerks on the face of the planet. If I'm going 80 MPH in a 65, you have NO right to get on MY ass like I'm not going fast enough. It's times like these that I miss my '94 Nissan Sentra that was a POS. At least if I slammed on my brakes and got rear-ended then, it was more than likely a cosmetic improvement to the car. But yes, that is what I tended to do to the people that drive like they have a tank of NoS stuck up their ass. There really is no reason to tailgate someone. Okay...maybe there is if the person is doing 10 under the limit. But be careful, because that person may be driving a junker that they don't really care about. My policy when it comes to tailgaters--brake hard, brake often.
Let's see...who else can I force-feed a piece of my mind? AH YES!! The right-turners that jump out in front of traffic while still doing at least 10 under the speed limit. The world ain't gonna slow down for you, Pokey. Wait until you have enough space to get out and speed up.
Last-minute lane changers, you're next. Didn't get over in time? Suck it up, hit the next exit, and turn around. Don't come haulin' ass and cutting ME off b/c YOU are a dumbass and don't pay attention to where you're going.

My guess is I could go on quite awhile longer and touch on many more vile offenses drivers commit while sitting behind the wheel of a two-ton potential instrument of death. There's always the speeders in school zones, parents who drive their kids 2 blocks to the elementary school, and able-bodied jack-offs that park in handicapped spaces. I guess that's technically not a driving offense, but they still need to be pistol-whipped by a paraplegic.

So watch out for a little white Chevy Prizm when you run a red light, cut someone off, or hear a horn you think is being honked at you. Also watch for that middle finger. I'm not telling you you're #1, I'm telling you to "sit and spin."

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas

2004-12-04T18:13:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you something about Christmas decorations. When done right, they can look really nice. But very few people who aren't related to Martha Stewart don't know how to decorate their house in proper holiday fashion. Now I like Christmas as much as the next person, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take the following things into consideration before making a feeble attempt to decorate your home in the tackiest way possible. It really should be a crime to have really ugly Christmas decorations.

1) ICICLE LIGHTS: There are some things you should all know about icicles before purchasing lights that simulate the effect. First off, ICICLES DO NOT BLINK! Do NOT get blinking icicle lights. THEY LOOK RETARTED!! Second, ICICLES DO NOT COME IN MANY COLORS!! I've seen some strands that are all blue, some that are multi-colored. This does not occur in nature, and therefore should not occur in holiday decorating. I don't have anything against regular muti-colored lights, they just shouldn't look like icicles. If you insist on buying these all-blue strands, MAKE SURE THEY'RE ALL THE SAME SHADE OF BLUE. As if blue icicles wasn't tacky enough, I've seen some w/ three different shades of blue. If you are a color-blind person, have someone else check them for you.

2) BLINKING LIGHTS: If you MUST have blinking lights, here are some things to consider. They need to blink in sequence. Don't match ones that blink off and on w/ ones that run in a sequence. Don't get lights that blink too fast, especially if you live along a busy road. You'll give someone a photosensitive seizure.

3) TACKY INFLATABLE DECORATIONS: They seem to be all the rage lately. But they're dumb, really. Do you REALLY need to have a 7' Grinch or Homer Simpson in your yard to show your Christmas spirit? No. You're straining the power grid, folks. Power I need to run my computer so I can blog about how retarted your Christmas decorations look.

4) TOO MANY TACKY LAWN DECORATIONS: It's bad enough to have one or more tacky inflatable decorations on your lawn. Why add a plastic nativity, one of those swirly trees (which, btw, I do happen to like), AND a light-up display of Santa and all nine reindeer? Really, it just goes to show that Americans are all about excess. Why not take some of that money that you spent getting mismatched blinking icicle lights or that 7' inflatable Grinch and donate it to Charity? Isn't that what Christmas is really all about?

So, next time you look at the 7' Homer Clause, think about how many pairs of kids' shoes you could buy for the Christmas Box House or a battered woman's shelter. For one, it would be a lot better to spend it on someone else rather than your own gratification. Second, it would save me the trouble of vomiting on your lawn because of the excessive gaudiness of your decorations.

Parking at SLCC

2004-12-02T10:02:00.000-08:00

Today would be a perfect time to bitch about the lack of parking at both the South City and Redwood Campuses (campusi?) of Salt Lake Community College. It really is a pain. You get here too early, there's no parking. Get here on time, you're fighting for parking then end up being late. Show up late and you MIGHT get lucky. That is if you don't just give up and park in the back to prevent further tardiness.

My schedule for the Fall Semester looks a little like this (okay, it's looks exactly like this): Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I attend English from 9 AM-9:50 AM. Why the class doesn't go a full hour is beyond me. Kinda pointless, esp. on days where the professor doesn't even get there until 9:10. Anyway, that's beside the point. After finishing w/ English on Mon. and Wed., I go to Redwood for Italian from 11-1. At first I thought, "hey, it'd be really smart of me to go straight from SCC to Redwood." Well, I did that most of the semester, but I found there was really no parking available near the Tech building at 10:20. After awhile I decided it would be worth my while to go home, grab a bite to eat, then head to Italian. Saves me from having to walk a half-mile to and from my car twice a week. Boy, I sound pretty lazy, don't I? Anyway, Tues. and Thurs. I have Math and History, going from 9:00 AM-12:20 PM. I'm never on time for math class b/c I really don't care if I'm there at 9, so I leave my house at roughly 8:50. Only takes 15 minutes to get to school on a good morning. But by the time I get there, parking is packed and fate once again does not work in my favor. Live and learn, I guess.

Here's my second gripe about parking at SCC...they recently put in this nifty new digital marquee thing to announce big things at the school, such as "Behold the turtle...he makes progress only when he sticks his neck out." I kid you not. There's also this lovely little lawn area that could easily have parked another 50 cars. What the hell?! They're going to hike my tuition to pay for watering some grass that would better be used for parking. Well isn't that special?

Third gripe about SCC...why are the freakin' meters closer to the front of the building? The people that park there are the same damn cars every day. They don't want to pay $16 for a fall parking pass or $20 for the whole year, so they instead waste $1.00 to park for an hour. It boggles the mind. Make those lazy asses pay to park in the back of the lot!!

I wrote some things for fun last week. They're kinda in essay form. Maybe I'll make them posts. Ooh, I could also post some work for my English class. That's always a riot. But for now, I guess I'm done.

Um...a Suicidal Optimist? WTF?

2004-12-01T21:31:00.000-08:00

I know you're probably like "wtf? Aren't 'sucidal' and 'optimistic' paradoxical terms?" Of course, a lot of you aren't smart enough to know what "paradoxical" means, so you're probably just going "wtf?" Anyway, separately, I guess the two would be contradictory terms. But let me explain the meaning of the two words together...

Once in therapy I was given a different spin on what suicide really is. It's odd that I didn't see things this way before, because it was exactly the thought process going through my head. In Nov. 2002 I'd decided that my husband, in-laws, and the world in general would be better without my presence. I swallowed about a dozen Lamictal 150 mg pills (my mood stabilizer...a slight bit of irony there, don't you think?). Then came the "I drank what?" moment. Long story short, I drank the charcoal, puked my guts out, and went back into therapy.

Suicide, as it turns out, is the "ultimate act of optimism." "Huh," you say? Well, it's like I said before...I thought the world would be better off without me. In other words, suicide will make everything better. No, I'm not saying it really will make everything better. I'm not advising you to kill yourself. I'm saying that's the mindset of a suicidal person. So that's me..."suicidally optimistic." I want to do something that's going to make everything better. But for the most part on this blog, I'm just going to bitch and rant. Can't bottle it up forever, right?

Contrary to the suggestion in the URL that I'm an optimist, I'm quite negative when it comes to most people. Really, I don't have very much faith in mankind. I am constantly surrounded by poster children for the old "this is your brain on drugs" campaign. I could go into specific examples, but then I'd have nothing to post later on. I've already got a list of things I want to cover...I'll jot some of them down here so I can look at the list and pick my "gripe o' the day."

Things I wanna rant about
that house around the corner w/ the ugly addition that doesn't match the rest of the house
parents driving their kids <2 blocks to the local elementary school
cutthroat parking at SLCC
immigrants that won't learn English...screw that, let's include the freakin' Americans that won't learn English!!
"blame the Mormons"
bad drivers in general
my tax dollars at work?
the war isn't about oil, dumbass!

These are all topics you can find on my blog in the future. Stay tuned.